I'm sorry about my long absence around here and everywhere else... I have been out of my head a little...
This piece is about being a little girl, about what it was like growing up adored... It's about having a dad... who didn't see any other girl in the world, only me.
My dad has been very sick over the last few months. He was diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's years ago and it has progressed very quickly in the last year or so.
He has trouble moving the lower half of his body and often falls down and he cannot get back up on his own. He sometimes, not often but enough times, has a hard time communicating one coherent thought to the next.
He is now in a nursing home for physical therapy and they are adjusting his medications while they can keep a close eye on him, in hopes that his current issues are due to improper dosage. They don't think he will be able to go home. (ever) He will at least need assisted living care (at 63).
It is so hard to find words right now... This piece has taken me three weeks to complete, unheard of for me.
I miss my dad. Yes he is still here. But at the same time he is not. He is a different person... devoid of most of the person he was before... he seems sad and depressed most of the time. I want the dry sense of humor... the pride in his eyes when he looks at me... when he looks at his granddaughters. I want his passion for travel, for gardening, for his home to come back. I want him back. Every now and then we have glimpses of his sense of humor, thankfully it seems to be the easiest to come back when he is feeling better.
Even though I know it is my art that will help me most, I am having trouble pushing myself to my art table... I have been afraid I guess of what would come out. I have dark visions and I find myself thinking that, you know, maybe I should own a black dress, I don't have one, I might need one all too soon.
Finally, I pushed that thought out of my head or at least I put it in the closet, I shut off the light, so now it is in a dark place in my mind and I finished this piece.
"The Only Girl in the World" is a happy piece. It goes back to a very very happy place in my life. Growing up with Grandparents that thought the sun rose and set according to Brandie's existence. Parents that worked so hard everyday to make sure I had everything I needed. I look back and think of what I took for granted... There is nothing compared to being adored, and not all little girls are so lucky. My father told me he loved me every single time he talked to me... every single time. He still does. And when I can see his face, I can still see it in his eyes... I guess that is something, isn't it?
I believe some kind of magic happened inside my dad when I was born... I hope he still has it. I miss seeing it.
Parkinson's is an ugly disease. It not only has it's awful physical symptoms, but it attacks your dopamine receptors. These receptors help us to feel passion and happiness... They are the driving force that lights our faces with excitement. How easy it is for the Parkinson's patient to fall into depression... the disease is killing their body's defense mechanisms needed to avoid depression.
This photo was taken before I was born, but I think I followed shortly... My grandma has been racking her brain, trying to figure out which dog this was... :)

"The Only Girl in the World" was created on 12 x 24 x 3/4 inch cradled gessobord. I love the brilliant color and that the words in the sheet music make sense with the overall piece.
Thank you all for visiting and lending me your ear...
Brandie
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